People, precisely because they're people with their imperfections, will get you (me) down at certain points in life. And since we live in an imperfect society with a million different social and historical baggage, it's hardly surprising how people can easily make you (me) feel bad about your (my) own life.
The point is: words can hurt if you let them. Also, don't forget that your biggest critic is probably yourself.
Saturday, September 30, 2017
Sunday, April 16, 2017
Post annoying social event
I'm increasingly aware that the older I get, the more socially awkward I am. I don't like crowds (anymore); I don't like going to social gathering of not-so-close people (anymore); I dislike people (even more) except for a handful that I call friends and vice versa; I get super anxious when I feel I have done something socially unacceptable.
I remember when I was in my early 20s, I loved going out and hanging out with random people; strangers even. I didn't have any huge social anxiety or anything like that. I was confident and very very social. And now a decade later, I just don't have the appetite to socialise anymore. Not only now I don't live in my native country, I also don't really speak the local language. A lot of "expats" here moan about social exclusion; they don't have friends, they don't speak the language, etc. that limits their social life. I moan about how I probably need to learn to socially integrate and *gasp* have a social life. I'm not saying that I actively stop myself from making new friends; on the contrary, I have a few (new-ish) friends here in this strange country and I like them and I don't feel I need more. Is that wrong?
This state of being annoyed by stuff that I can't really define is probably because I'm unconsciously trying to do what is socially acceptable, instead of trying to do what makes me comfortable. If I don't want to go to a party, then I can and who cares what whoever thinks. And this should be a conscious decision, instead of driven by a fear of social backlash. I think my Indonesian-ness is heavily ingrained that I oftentimes just completely forget that it's there and has become my mode of operating. I need to learn that it is okay to say no, sorry, I rather stay home, than dragging myself to a thing that eventually will just make me feel miserable just because that's the acceptable thing to do.
TL;DR I like animals better. They don't make me feel awkward. Ever.
I remember when I was in my early 20s, I loved going out and hanging out with random people; strangers even. I didn't have any huge social anxiety or anything like that. I was confident and very very social. And now a decade later, I just don't have the appetite to socialise anymore. Not only now I don't live in my native country, I also don't really speak the local language. A lot of "expats" here moan about social exclusion; they don't have friends, they don't speak the language, etc. that limits their social life. I moan about how I probably need to learn to socially integrate and *gasp* have a social life. I'm not saying that I actively stop myself from making new friends; on the contrary, I have a few (new-ish) friends here in this strange country and I like them and I don't feel I need more. Is that wrong?
This state of being annoyed by stuff that I can't really define is probably because I'm unconsciously trying to do what is socially acceptable, instead of trying to do what makes me comfortable. If I don't want to go to a party, then I can and who cares what whoever thinks. And this should be a conscious decision, instead of driven by a fear of social backlash. I think my Indonesian-ness is heavily ingrained that I oftentimes just completely forget that it's there and has become my mode of operating. I need to learn that it is okay to say no, sorry, I rather stay home, than dragging myself to a thing that eventually will just make me feel miserable just because that's the acceptable thing to do.
TL;DR I like animals better. They don't make me feel awkward. Ever.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)