I woke up this morning because of one text message. It was my mum, telling me that my ulcer problem IS definitely related to stress issue and mental problems. Well, she didn't actually say "mental", but I assumed that's what she meant. I think my mum is a bit worried after several episodes of Emergency Room and job desperation. She meant well, I know that. Oh, she also reminded me to pray to the huge G--to ask God's blessing. Yea. I didn't reply to that.
And then I decided that five in the morning was just inhumane and went back to sleep. Woke up around seven to find another text. Not my mum (phew!), but a friend. He's having issues with ex girlfriend from hell. He wanted me to kill him so he could be freed from the tortures given by ExGFFH. Not a nice thing to read right after you woke up. It actually upset me.
Went to the office and got on with my work. Nothing unusual happened. I wrote a long e-mail for my friend, telling him about my experience with ExBFFH (you should get the abbreviations by now). It's a bit similar to what he currently has to endure. And then went back to usual work... or pretending to work, in my case (procrastinating always feels nicer, especially while reading an essay or article or anything other than your work).
My story sounds a bit pointless by now--I know--anyway, later on I heard from my colleague about what might going to happen to the temp staff in this office. It's again confirmed that the office will not hire any temp staff permanently. She heard this from the HR people. Funny thing, I was not surprised. Not even freaked out. Just calmly took the news. I guess I have lost my hopes for this office quite some time ago.
I used to have a point (or points) if I wrote something. There should be a certain topic or theme. That's what I told my students in my class (not teaching them now at the moment, unfortunately). This one... is a bit pointless, just like my job, my friend's ExGFFH, my mum's text message (a part of it anyway)...
Now, if all of you can just move along....
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Welcome to Boredom!
The mundanity, the boredom of every hour that passes. It has been several weeks since I first felt boredom crawling in the back of my mind. I had found no excitement of things that I did. Work felt like a constant deadline, one followed by another. Sometimes it felt like my life's depended on these deadlines. As if I'd stop breathing if I didn't have any.
Being busy all the time does not mean that I can stop feeling bored and dispirited. I do have a (limited) number of friends whom I can talk to or just hang out with. But it doesn't happen all the time, and several of them can be quite depressive sometimes. I just want to have excitements, does that necessarily correlate with happiness? Maybe... maybe not.
I remembered a conversation that I over-heard (couldn't help it. It was in an angkot and the lady was talking quite loud. I didn't even have to try to listen) between a mother and daughter. Mum was not that old, girl was in her junior high uniform, carrying a magazine that I used to read when I was her age. Mum started the banality by talking about a couple of ex-convicts who repented and converted into Islam. She basically questioned whether they would receive God's blessing after going to Mecca using their (allegedly) illegal money. And then, she and the girl continued the discussion, one was fueling the other to give negative comments on these ex-convicts' actions toward goodness.
I nearly clawed my eyes out. First, because the mother didn't stop talking bullshit (up to the point her daughter was asleep on her lap and she's still rambling away). Second, the banality and ignorance they presented in. It was frustrating. Plus, I had probably the longest trip ever to go back home (3.5 hours by train, and 1 hour angkot trip). When I decided to stop listening, I sort of made this self-reflection. And I knew I was really bored. Why? Because nothing exciting was happening in my life. Things are so ordinary, so typical, so cliche. One day I text a friend telling him that I felt a certain emptiness and general confusion in my present life. His answer was short: "Welcome to my life."
Maybe it's because I have not had enough sleep since God-knows-when. Which makes me very sensitive and stupid at the same time *I'm typing this with my eyes half closed*
I'm so bored and tired.
Being busy all the time does not mean that I can stop feeling bored and dispirited. I do have a (limited) number of friends whom I can talk to or just hang out with. But it doesn't happen all the time, and several of them can be quite depressive sometimes. I just want to have excitements, does that necessarily correlate with happiness? Maybe... maybe not.
I remembered a conversation that I over-heard (couldn't help it. It was in an angkot and the lady was talking quite loud. I didn't even have to try to listen) between a mother and daughter. Mum was not that old, girl was in her junior high uniform, carrying a magazine that I used to read when I was her age. Mum started the banality by talking about a couple of ex-convicts who repented and converted into Islam. She basically questioned whether they would receive God's blessing after going to Mecca using their (allegedly) illegal money. And then, she and the girl continued the discussion, one was fueling the other to give negative comments on these ex-convicts' actions toward goodness.
I nearly clawed my eyes out. First, because the mother didn't stop talking bullshit (up to the point her daughter was asleep on her lap and she's still rambling away). Second, the banality and ignorance they presented in. It was frustrating. Plus, I had probably the longest trip ever to go back home (3.5 hours by train, and 1 hour angkot trip). When I decided to stop listening, I sort of made this self-reflection. And I knew I was really bored. Why? Because nothing exciting was happening in my life. Things are so ordinary, so typical, so cliche. One day I text a friend telling him that I felt a certain emptiness and general confusion in my present life. His answer was short: "Welcome to my life."
Maybe it's because I have not had enough sleep since God-knows-when. Which makes me very sensitive and stupid at the same time *I'm typing this with my eyes half closed*
I'm so bored and tired.
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