Monday, April 4, 2011

Welcome to Boredom!

The mundanity, the boredom of every hour that passes. It has been several weeks since I first felt boredom crawling in the back of my mind. I had found no excitement of things that I did. Work felt like a constant deadline, one followed by another. Sometimes it felt like my life's depended on these deadlines. As if I'd stop breathing if I didn't have any.

Being busy all the time does not mean that I can stop feeling bored and dispirited. I do have a (limited) number of friends whom I can talk to or just hang out with. But it doesn't happen all the time, and several of them can be quite depressive sometimes. I just want to have excitements, does that necessarily correlate with happiness? Maybe... maybe not.

I remembered a conversation that I over-heard (couldn't help it. It was in an angkot and the lady was talking quite loud. I didn't even have to try to listen) between a mother and daughter. Mum was not that old, girl was in her junior high uniform, carrying a magazine that I used to read when I was her age. Mum started the banality by talking about a couple of ex-convicts who repented and converted into Islam. She basically questioned whether they would receive God's blessing after going to Mecca using their (allegedly) illegal money. And then, she and the girl continued the discussion, one was fueling the other to give negative comments on these ex-convicts' actions toward goodness.

I nearly clawed my eyes out. First, because the mother didn't stop talking bullshit (up to the point her daughter was asleep on her lap and she's still rambling away). Second, the banality and ignorance they presented in. It was frustrating. Plus, I had probably the longest trip ever to go back home (3.5 hours by train, and 1 hour angkot trip). When I decided to stop listening, I sort of made this self-reflection. And I knew I was really bored. Why? Because nothing exciting was happening in my life. Things are so ordinary, so typical, so cliche. One day I text a friend telling him that I felt a certain emptiness and general confusion in my present life. His answer was short: "Welcome to my life."

Maybe it's because I have not had enough sleep since God-knows-when. Which makes me very sensitive and stupid at the same time *I'm typing this with my eyes half closed*

I'm so bored and tired.

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