"They [women] believe that inside every heartless bastard is a small boy yearning to be loved. But their theory falls short because what they don't understand is that there are certain types of heartless bastard who if hacked in two would only be found to contain yet more heartless bastard." -Mike Gayle-

I think to become a true bastard, you have to be heartless. You cannot share feelings, pride, guilt, or whatever that will identify you as a person with a heart (no matter how rotten it is). If you think that feelings, especially guilt, will haunt you for the rest of your life, forget it. Go back to the righteous way and become a decent proper guy. It's not bad, both heartless bastard and decent proper guy. As long as you know where to position yourself in the society.

I, once, was faced by massive guilt. It was too massive, I pitied the person. Luckily, I was not the one who experienced it. And that pity slowly turned into disgust, somehow, because I thought that guilt shouldn't be dramatised. Especially, as my friend would have said it, after you have been warned.

I can be a cold heartless bitch from time to time. It requires so much anger and hate to turn me into one. Normally, I react from a victim role, either victimised by the universe or someone. When rage controls me, I just turned into this nasty nasty you-don't-want-to-see-me-ever person. It takes skill though to drive me to the dark side.

My point is don't be something or someone that you don't like. Because you will see your reflection on the mirror sooner or later. If later, you don't like what you see, that's not the mirror bearer's fault. That's your fault for failing to recognise yourself well.