I just asked this question to a friend: is it a bad thing to hang out with older men often (in public or personal space)? Let's define "older". My friend thought 35 yo was older. I was talking about 50 to 60-ish years old. Men double my age, or almost triple even.
Why hang out with them at the first place? First, I have a couple older friends who are just smart and fascinating, precisely because they have reached that age when they can tell you anything that you need to know. Well, of course anything does not mean everything. But, trust me they have enough information to amuse you for days. Second, I guess it comes back to nationalities. All of my older friends are foreigners with interesting jobs. Don't imagine the typical Indonesian bapak-bapak or even your (or my) own father. Thus, these friends of mine have a witty sense of humour. It's almost like they cultivated that skill altogether during the same time. I still haven't been able to find an equal comparison in my younger friends.
Why the question came up? Because I was thinking about one comment coming from a younger person. This man, I just met him a couple of times, once said that he felt sorry that I had to go back and hang out with my (old) friend. I told him that my friend was okay, and that we're having a great time. So pity's rejected, thank you very much. And then another friend commented that these old guys sounded like the typical old bule perverts. I told him that they were always flirtatious but that's just for the fuck of it. I mean, they didn't think it's perversion. And I, to be honest, don't care as long as they don't over-do it. Since they're smart enough, they know when to stop.
Coming from a friend who's known me since 10 years ago, he perceived the men first and not me. But, I'm sure if it's coming from other people who judge things fast (as most of us do), it won't sound pretty. Gold-digger is the nicest way to say it, slut or bitch is another way to name it. "It" here is translated into "me": she-who-hangs-out-with-old-bule-for-god-knows-what-reason. I was thinking about this issue when I met my (old) friend in a public space. No, we didn't hold hands; we didn't act like a couple since we're not; but I thought I could feel people were staring (or maybe that's just me being paranoid).
The problem is even I tend to think the same. Especially if there's a clear evidence that the couple IS a couple. If I see a young (or slightly young) Indonesian woman with a clearly older foreign dude, I will have the same prejudice in my mind. The woman is not better than a stupid full-make-up-gold-digger and the man is no better that an old-perverted-dickhead. Why? (again) I asked that question. I think it's the general way our society perceive this issue. And I, embarrassing as it is, am still in line with these narrow-minded people. Fuck.
See, that's why hanging out with older people gives benefits. Now I realise something quite important: basic prejudice and how I'm still trapped in it. I think from now on I shall learn to give myself enough time before start bitching about other people and their life.
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