Friday, August 5, 2011

The dreaded "us"

Let's talk about us. And there shall be a storm, going down so hard, you wouldn't know what happened and why you had a big gash on your forehead. Okay, that's an exaggeration. But, have you notice that any conversation that starts with that line will end up, more or less, like a perfect nightmare?

I had that conversation earlier. It's not even in a "committed-monogamous"-relationship-mode. At all. I shot the question to make a comparison, to state pretty obvious facts. The other side thought it was a waste of time, which later on prove to be right. Waste of time because we then argued. And my discussion partner asked that ultimate question, "Why do women always love talking about 'us'?"

Yes, why do women love talking about us? My answer to that question was because women (I, in particular) want to know the other side of the story. I want to hear the so-called ugly truths (my god I'm throwing so many cliches I think my blog is going to self-destruct if I use more) from the other person. But it's that really the reason? I don't know since I haven't really analysed it properly. This is one reason why I'm writing this now. Assessing. I know by labeling myself and one other person as "us", I embedded a sense of proprietary into the whole thing. It's not you or I anymore. It's us. A unit, inseparable, working together. That's more or less leaning to a certain commitment. Whatever the commitment is. No wonder my friend dreaded this talk.

And why do men dislike it so much? My friend was probably the first one that challenged me with the question "why", but I've had a similar reaction, conveyed in different words of course. I don't think any of my ex boyfriends enjoyed talking about us. As a matter of fact, when it came to the "us" conversation, the relationship was on the brink of irreparable destruction. The last time I had it with a boyfriend, he dumped me straight in... taking the easy way out.

An important point was taken from previous discussion (argument?) with my friend though. "We" need to stop talking about "us", and just be "us" without having the long talk about what "us" is all about. I appreciate that and didn't argue, despite the incredible urge to spit out another cliche: "men just don't talk". And I will add if they do, they're like a four-year-old, answering with (maximum) three syllables: I-don't-know, I-like-you, I-think-so, I-like-sex, and the list goes on and on and on...

I'm glad my blog doesn't self-destruct... yet.


Anonymous said...

on the contrary, last time it's he who conveyed the conversation about "us", like there was actually an "us"..

i was the one who used to avoid the subject because for me. "us" was not exist, in terms that it's never declared, never been agreed..

and also because i had chose to do what you mentioned on your second to last paragraph, let us just be us without any discussion about us --> tapi ini mah karena gw-nya aja penakut, ri, hehe..

there's still storm after tappi yaaagitchudech, sabodo teuing sekarang.. let us be us be everything be nothing; omnia fui, nihil expedit =]

ari leutik said...

I guess in the end what matters is what you feel about the other person and vice versa. Sometimes too many discussions will just complicate things :P