Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Work crazy work

Humans cannot be satisfied. That's an old saying in this country. It's that nagging feeling saying that you are STILL not getting what you want.

I have this nagging feeling. I also see this in other people. I had been expecting a new job, a better payment and security. I got the job, better payment, still no security. But the bright side is I don't have to go to the office. I thought it was an advantage. Yes, it's so good that I don't have to come to the office and I can literally work from anywhere in the world. Like, in my friend's bedroom in KL for instance. But then, living a day to day of office-less situation, I found myself feeling quite mad. There's no one to talk to (directly, not computer chatting) or to observe or even to despise. I know I sound like I'm being ungrateful and lazy, because I still can have a "normal" social life even without an office life. True, but it's different.

Office interaction, strangely enough, gives me a feeling of attachment. Like I belong to something. I don't identify myself solely from where I work, but it's one of the things that identify me. Having none of that kinda confuses me. It's the transition of not having to "go" to work every morning. Because now, work is getting out of the bed and turning on my computer and internet. Even the office space offers me comfort. The spacious room, large windows... I have once mentioned about these things. It helps me feeling less confined when I have to go home to my little bleak room. The people can be super annoying, but I learn things from these annoying people. The simplest will be: how to be not annoying like these people.

A friend of mine was sharing the same thoughts. It's the new job in his case. He felt like he had traded his simple easy working life with a chaotic busy yet interesting new work which pays better to. He sighed and told me that he had been questioning the reason why he took the new job. And I laughed and told him that's exactly what I had in mind about my choice.

I'm sure lots of people want to be in my shoes right now, job wise. Not actual shoes, they are quite small. I would love to be in my shoes as well, say, if I were a different person. But I guess I cannot be really satisfied with what I have at the moment. Not that I'm being ungrateful. Yes, I'm glad I took this job. But, if only it can be a tiny bit better...

My questions are (to myself): to what extend? Isn't there any boundaries? Should I make those boundaries? Should I stop expecting more at some point in the future and just feel contend? How can I achieve that, if it's achievable? Or, sod it, I'm human it's normal to always want more in life?

Then again, if I looked back, I was okay when I was staying with my friend. It felt a bit weird having to work and holiday at the same time, but it worked. Maybe that's what I need. A companion? Oh damn, I am getting old.

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