Looking back, 2013 has been quite exciting. I travelled a lot and did a lot, for someone who works and sleeps in the same room. I went to six different countries and met a whole lot of new people. I redefined freedom and myself. I also found things that I didn't think I'd find in life any time soon. I found a home and love that goes with it.
Meeting people has always been one of the goals when I travel and I think I have somewhat achieved this. I made new friends, very good friends too. It's nice to realise that nation borders don't mean anything when you share so many things in common, even if that's only your taste in music or food. Relating to people who were total strangers before because you shared a similar history or talking to people who have similar interest in culture and politics reminds me that humans are essentially alike, despite the other attributes that defined you a person, different from the others.
Freedom has always been a muddled concept for me, especially if you're a female and you live in Indonesia and have a family who is a bit crazy about religion. It would become even more complicated if you don't share your family's belief or faith. I had never understood what it felt or meant to be free (as in, free to live life according to how I see fit) until I travelled. When I went to different countries and saw how people, culture and social norms could be so different to the place I used to call "home", I realised that hey, yes, I can actually be free and be myself, and I won't get punished or chastised for doing so. I really love travelling. It reminds me that the world isn't such a bad place, and although there are so many dumbshits in this human civilisation, you'd still find the rare gems and when you do, you'd cherish them even more.
And now I have a home where I can go back to. Yes, it is new and still needs a better, more solid foundation, but the process has started and I am more than happy to sweat and bleed to make a nice safe comfortable home. And this time, I am not alone. This time, I have someone who is also willing to work hard, together.
So, 2013 has been eventful. I ended things and started new even more exciting things. I travelled and found home in my travel. I learnt new things and met new people. I understood myself better and knew that I could be better. I am thanking myself, fellow humans and the world for this amazing year. And may the following year will be as eventful and joyous.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
A Christmas Letter for You
I made a "status update" on Facebook recently, saying that I would be going on another trip and see another country, explore a new place and meet new strange people, but there's one significant difference now. Now, I have a home to go back to.
You are my new-found home. Unlikely it may seem, I found home after flying as far as 14,000 km from where I have lived and grown up. That island and city are something I often called home but never truly felt like one. I actually didn't understand what home was before I met you. And now I do. It's warmth and comfort; it's safety and care; it's love and affection. You are the constant source of these things that make me at home...at ease, not worried or anxious about all terrible things in the vast dark world.
The most important thing about this new-found home is that it allows me to be myself. How many times I have told you that I have been leading an abridged life? Censored by social and cultural norms and parental warnings. When I'm with you, I can be myself. Maybe this is what freedom tastes like. Maybe freedom isn't such a utopian concept after all like I thought before.
I have read your letter about Christmas and it reminds me that Christmas is like Hari Raya: it's time when you go back to see your family and closest friends. Although I am not there physically, you know that you have me. And I'm sending you warm hugs through digital space. It might not be as good as the real ones, but they are yours to keep.
Now I understand why I have been working so hard these past years: I have been paving a way to find home. However, it's not easy to go back home now, but I feel it's going to be worth the effort. I have never wanted anything this much, so I am fairly certain I will make every necessary effort to come back home to you.
Have a happy Christmas. I love you.
You are my new-found home. Unlikely it may seem, I found home after flying as far as 14,000 km from where I have lived and grown up. That island and city are something I often called home but never truly felt like one. I actually didn't understand what home was before I met you. And now I do. It's warmth and comfort; it's safety and care; it's love and affection. You are the constant source of these things that make me at home...at ease, not worried or anxious about all terrible things in the vast dark world.
The most important thing about this new-found home is that it allows me to be myself. How many times I have told you that I have been leading an abridged life? Censored by social and cultural norms and parental warnings. When I'm with you, I can be myself. Maybe this is what freedom tastes like. Maybe freedom isn't such a utopian concept after all like I thought before.
I have read your letter about Christmas and it reminds me that Christmas is like Hari Raya: it's time when you go back to see your family and closest friends. Although I am not there physically, you know that you have me. And I'm sending you warm hugs through digital space. It might not be as good as the real ones, but they are yours to keep.
Now I understand why I have been working so hard these past years: I have been paving a way to find home. However, it's not easy to go back home now, but I feel it's going to be worth the effort. I have never wanted anything this much, so I am fairly certain I will make every necessary effort to come back home to you.
Have a happy Christmas. I love you.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
First Berlin Skinhead Gig
I once wrote about going to a punk gig in my hometown and left feeling so alienated since I didn't look like everyone who was there (in blacks, pierced face, eyeliner, weird haircut). You can read it here. I've been to different punk/hardcore/metal/(insert your favourite genre) gigs and every time I go to these kinds of events, it seems that I always fail to look like everyone else. Talking about constantly underdressed.
Recently I just took the experience up a notch. I was in Berlin for a couple of days and was asked to see a skinhead gig while I was there. My friend's band from Utrecht, Discharger, was playing at that gig and I was quite excited when I knew I'd be in Berlin at the same time with the gig. So we went to the club, Red Club, where the gig was playing. I was bit surprised with the venue because it looked nothing like a place where a skinhead gig in Bandung would be held. It's basically a club. It looked like a club. It smelt like a club: cigarettes and beer. It's Germany in winter, after all. In Bandung, you'd get a football field (or any kind of field) filled with sweaty teenagers who sing along when their favourite skinhead/punk bands playing their favourite songs.
It was a whole different experience because not only I didn't dress like a skinhead, I was also the only Asian in the club. So as you might expect, I got a decent amount of staring. I was the smallest, looking odd with my brown skin and dark hair. Plus my goofy glasses. But the guy at the door didn't even bother asking for my ID. Yay Berlin, you are so much better than Sydney or Melbourne. At first it felt really awkward, like going to a freak show, but you are the freak instead of the people on stage. There was a band playing when I arrived; my friend's band was the last act. Somehow I didn't realise they were quite well-known, even in Berlin. I decided to watch the band who was performing at that time. I needed some sort of acclimatisation before I mingled with the crowd. Got myself a beer and stood close to the stage. It didn't take a long time for me to realise that band was a bit shit.
Then my friend's band was on stage. I could see that some people were getting quite excited. When my friend (he's the vocalist of this band) said his introductory speech, I realised it was their first Berlin gig, yet people were pretty pumped. That was cool. With what's left of my partner's camera's battery, I started taking pictures of the band. I felt so much relaxed when I picked up the camera and positioned myself in front of the band. People were screaming lyrics next to me, but I didn't even notice. I was enjoying myself being the only person in the room who's taking pictures. It didn't feel pretentious or anything. It's my friend's band. I like taking their pictures in action. It's not like in Indonesia where everyone got a freakin DSLR (although I'm not sure they know how to use it properly) and too busy to enjoy the gig because they're too busy taking pictures that they won't even bother to look at once they're out of the gig.
Before the gig, we were smoking in the smoking area and talked to some people. One gay German skinhead (yes, they exist and they're super cool), a good friend of my partner, told me how cute I was in my skinhead denim jacket. I laughed and told him it was my partner's and that I wasn't even trying to look like a skinhead. He then told me that I didn't have to worry and everyone's here cool enough. He was right. Everyone was cool. One guy even thought I and my partner were cute enough he wanted to take our picture together. I guess you don't see many British and Indonesian couples in a skinhead gig.
I'm not sure yet why in Indonesia going to a skinhead/punk gig when you are not one of them often will terrorise you rather than give you any enjoyment whatsoever. I guess the culture is different although it's the same scene. A bit odd considering Indonesians are friendlier in general than Europeans. I can tell there's a sense of exclusivity when it comes to "scenes" in Indonesia. Of course, I'm generalising and I'm quite sure there are people in different scenes who don't behave in such way. I just don't see many of them. Maybe I need to go out more.
Recently I just took the experience up a notch. I was in Berlin for a couple of days and was asked to see a skinhead gig while I was there. My friend's band from Utrecht, Discharger, was playing at that gig and I was quite excited when I knew I'd be in Berlin at the same time with the gig. So we went to the club, Red Club, where the gig was playing. I was bit surprised with the venue because it looked nothing like a place where a skinhead gig in Bandung would be held. It's basically a club. It looked like a club. It smelt like a club: cigarettes and beer. It's Germany in winter, after all. In Bandung, you'd get a football field (or any kind of field) filled with sweaty teenagers who sing along when their favourite skinhead/punk bands playing their favourite songs.It was a whole different experience because not only I didn't dress like a skinhead, I was also the only Asian in the club. So as you might expect, I got a decent amount of staring. I was the smallest, looking odd with my brown skin and dark hair. Plus my goofy glasses. But the guy at the door didn't even bother asking for my ID. Yay Berlin, you are so much better than Sydney or Melbourne. At first it felt really awkward, like going to a freak show, but you are the freak instead of the people on stage. There was a band playing when I arrived; my friend's band was the last act. Somehow I didn't realise they were quite well-known, even in Berlin. I decided to watch the band who was performing at that time. I needed some sort of acclimatisation before I mingled with the crowd. Got myself a beer and stood close to the stage. It didn't take a long time for me to realise that band was a bit shit.
Then my friend's band was on stage. I could see that some people were getting quite excited. When my friend (he's the vocalist of this band) said his introductory speech, I realised it was their first Berlin gig, yet people were pretty pumped. That was cool. With what's left of my partner's camera's battery, I started taking pictures of the band. I felt so much relaxed when I picked up the camera and positioned myself in front of the band. People were screaming lyrics next to me, but I didn't even notice. I was enjoying myself being the only person in the room who's taking pictures. It didn't feel pretentious or anything. It's my friend's band. I like taking their pictures in action. It's not like in Indonesia where everyone got a freakin DSLR (although I'm not sure they know how to use it properly) and too busy to enjoy the gig because they're too busy taking pictures that they won't even bother to look at once they're out of the gig.
Before the gig, we were smoking in the smoking area and talked to some people. One gay German skinhead (yes, they exist and they're super cool), a good friend of my partner, told me how cute I was in my skinhead denim jacket. I laughed and told him it was my partner's and that I wasn't even trying to look like a skinhead. He then told me that I didn't have to worry and everyone's here cool enough. He was right. Everyone was cool. One guy even thought I and my partner were cute enough he wanted to take our picture together. I guess you don't see many British and Indonesian couples in a skinhead gig.
I'm not sure yet why in Indonesia going to a skinhead/punk gig when you are not one of them often will terrorise you rather than give you any enjoyment whatsoever. I guess the culture is different although it's the same scene. A bit odd considering Indonesians are friendlier in general than Europeans. I can tell there's a sense of exclusivity when it comes to "scenes" in Indonesia. Of course, I'm generalising and I'm quite sure there are people in different scenes who don't behave in such way. I just don't see many of them. Maybe I need to go out more.
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