Have you ever opened your closet and thought that there are too many unused things in it and then realized that your closet is filled with old things? I have the habit to clean my closet once in every two or three years. It sounds such a long time for someone's cleaning time, yes? Well, I rarely shop, so I don't have many new items in my closet. But the problem is now I have too many old stuffs in it. Letters from junior high friends, birthday cards from several years back, tons of photos [I don't have any digital camera back then], t-shirt from the renaissance period [which surprisingly still fits on me], scraps from the past that I feel still have some emotional attachments to me thus making it difficult to get rid all of it. I'm not a person who cannot swift from the past to the present being. I just love keeping some mementos. I remember I'd to take some time remembering the moment beneath an empty pack of cigarette before finally I got rid of it. Yes, it's hard to be a part with something [one] that has been there for as long as you can remember, especially if it's an ordinary stuff with an extraordinary meaning...that's what I feel.
The funny thing about that habit is that I experienced it not so long ago. Funny since my experience has put me in the old 'stuff' position. I was the old cigarette pack laying inside a shoe box waiting to be banished from history. Maybe it is only my personal prejudice towards this experience being banished from someone[thing]'s story. Maybe the banishment is not related to the fact that I'm just an old piece of something inside the shoe box waiting to be replaced by something[one] new in it. Yet I felt I was already thrown away to the dust bin and now ready to be forgotten soon enough. Sad thing is I don't know the reason. Maybe I should feel guilty because I cannot find a possible reason. Maybe I am guilty for some things that I had done in the past.
So now I am being banished from someone's story. Is that related to the fact that I'm just an old fragment? I have no idea. Or maybe it's just the end of me in this story? Should I question it? Will it make me feel better if I know the true reason?
One thing for sure though, it hurts.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Job Desperation
Currently, I'm working in a national-scale newspaper as a proofreader with four hours shift, five days a week. My salary is rather small for a monthly-paid job, but ok for the short shift. The first day I came, I was so nervous. I'd never worked at a national media before, yet along an English newspaper. So, the new kid on the block [as they called me that day] tried to adjust as fast as she could in the big (and freezing) office.
Turned out, the job and the people were excellent! I loved doing my job, I liked hanging-out with my office mates in the smoking area (yes, I do enjoy smoking), I enjoyed the ambiance, and I had zero complaint which was an achievement for me.
But then, a problem rose on the second month. They didn't pay my salary. They postponed my first month salary until the third week of my second month. And it didn't stop. The did it gain on the third month. So basically I have been living two months with a month payment which is ridiculous since I have a meager number for my monthly salary.
This well-established-company cannot afford paying its employees right on time. And what did I get from a discussion with the HRD? A simple sorry and a false promise. Oh, not to mention the way they degraded all of the proofreaders by saying that they were generous enough to have paid us the meager number. And that's not all, folks! It was hard for me to sit still listening to what the HRD manager had to say because he wasn't aware that everything that he said only degraded us even more.
So, I'm thinking about quitting this job. I've been trying to find a new one, but sadly haven't succeeded in doing so.
Hopefully, I'll find a new one as soon as possible.
I feel soooo tired now.
Turned out, the job and the people were excellent! I loved doing my job, I liked hanging-out with my office mates in the smoking area (yes, I do enjoy smoking), I enjoyed the ambiance, and I had zero complaint which was an achievement for me.
But then, a problem rose on the second month. They didn't pay my salary. They postponed my first month salary until the third week of my second month. And it didn't stop. The did it gain on the third month. So basically I have been living two months with a month payment which is ridiculous since I have a meager number for my monthly salary.
This well-established-company cannot afford paying its employees right on time. And what did I get from a discussion with the HRD? A simple sorry and a false promise. Oh, not to mention the way they degraded all of the proofreaders by saying that they were generous enough to have paid us the meager number. And that's not all, folks! It was hard for me to sit still listening to what the HRD manager had to say because he wasn't aware that everything that he said only degraded us even more.
So, I'm thinking about quitting this job. I've been trying to find a new one, but sadly haven't succeeded in doing so.
Hopefully, I'll find a new one as soon as possible.
I feel soooo tired now.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Blog Desperation
I made this blog on June 13, 2008, because my boyfriend had insisted me for making one. When it comes to technology and its allies, I freak out easily. So, the prospect of making a blog of my own and actually try to do something with it, gave the queasy feeling in my guts. I knew that so many people had already ran their own blogs, published great articles or essay or poems, and [probably] got famous for it at that time. Well, I didn't join the club. Why? First, my laziness beats everything. Second, I have mentioned my uneasiness with technology [that includes internet and blog]. Third, see reason numero uno. So, blogging? No, thanx.
But then, this boyfriend of mine were convinced that I should have a blog so I would have a place for my writings. He didn't read all of my writings [if he did, probably he would advice me to put everything inside a drawer, lock it, and throw the key away] but yet, he was determined to helping me creating a safe haven for my writings where everyone can access, read it, and give feedback [great!]. So, I made one.
Then, what? Well, I have to do something with it, right? But I didn't do anything with it until this very day I decided to write something in it. Why [again a why]? It was because I read an advertisement on my e-mail that said I must have a blog in order to acquire a certain job in a certain company [and because my blog tutor was a bit disappointed since I haven't tried to post anything for the past seven months]. I do have one, but I haven't done anything with it except posted one short ugly work for the first try-out and that's all. Does it count? Can I fill in the requirement?
I will never know. I didn't apply. I felt that if I applied I would be cheating on myself. Because if I did apply, I would have been very busy posting every single piece that I have stored in a night [which would be very ridiculous for the company since the post dates will be published]. I didn't regret it even though the position is interesting and I'm in a desperate need of a new job. But hey, at least I can be honest with myself. I'm not a blogger...well, probably not yet, so help me God. And maybe now I will try to nurture my blog more often...
Or not.
I'll just have to see for myself.
But then, this boyfriend of mine were convinced that I should have a blog so I would have a place for my writings. He didn't read all of my writings [if he did, probably he would advice me to put everything inside a drawer, lock it, and throw the key away] but yet, he was determined to helping me creating a safe haven for my writings where everyone can access, read it, and give feedback [great!]. So, I made one.
Then, what? Well, I have to do something with it, right? But I didn't do anything with it until this very day I decided to write something in it. Why [again a why]? It was because I read an advertisement on my e-mail that said I must have a blog in order to acquire a certain job in a certain company [and because my blog tutor was a bit disappointed since I haven't tried to post anything for the past seven months]. I do have one, but I haven't done anything with it except posted one short ugly work for the first try-out and that's all. Does it count? Can I fill in the requirement?
I will never know. I didn't apply. I felt that if I applied I would be cheating on myself. Because if I did apply, I would have been very busy posting every single piece that I have stored in a night [which would be very ridiculous for the company since the post dates will be published]. I didn't regret it even though the position is interesting and I'm in a desperate need of a new job. But hey, at least I can be honest with myself. I'm not a blogger...well, probably not yet, so help me God. And maybe now I will try to nurture my blog more often...
Or not.
I'll just have to see for myself.
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