Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Cuci Gudang

Have you ever opened your closet and thought that there are too many unused things in it and then realized that your closet is filled with old things? I have the habit to clean my closet once in every two or three years. It sounds such a long time for someone's cleaning time, yes? Well, I rarely shop, so I don't have many new items in my closet. But the problem is now I have too many old stuffs in it. Letters from junior high friends, birthday cards from several years back, tons of photos [I don't have any digital camera back then], t-shirt from the renaissance period [which surprisingly still fits on me], scraps from the past that I feel still have some emotional attachments to me thus making it difficult to get rid all of it. I'm not a person who cannot swift from the past to the present being. I just love keeping some mementos. I remember I'd to take some time remembering the moment beneath an empty pack of cigarette before finally I got rid of it. Yes, it's hard to be a part with something [one] that has been there for as long as you can remember, especially if it's an ordinary stuff with an extraordinary meaning...that's what I feel.
The funny thing about that habit is that I experienced it not so long ago. Funny since my experience has put me in the old 'stuff' position. I was the old cigarette pack laying inside a shoe box waiting to be banished from history. Maybe it is only my personal prejudice towards this experience being banished from someone[thing]'s story. Maybe the banishment is not related to the fact that I'm just an old piece of something inside the shoe box waiting to be replaced by something[one] new in it. Yet I felt I was already thrown away to the dust bin and now ready to be forgotten soon enough. Sad thing is I don't know the reason. Maybe I should feel guilty because I cannot find a possible reason. Maybe I am guilty for some things that I had done in the past.
So now I am being banished from someone's story. Is that related to the fact that I'm just an old fragment? I have no idea. Or maybe it's just the end of me in this story? Should I question it? Will it make me feel better if I know the true reason?

One thing for sure though, it hurts.

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