Sunday, August 3, 2014

The end of happy week

Maintaining a positive energy when your body is not wired properly because of different reasons, and hormone is one of them, is really tough. I have been keeping track on my mood, trying to record how it goes on a weekly basis. It's been a good past week (proud of myself), but today feels like the first day of anxiety and bad mood again. My period is coming soon.

The bad mood or negative feelings sometimes can materialise into physical pain. At the moment, I am having massive headache and feeling tired all over although I haven't done much. Even though I have tried to ignore the negative feelings, I am still grumpy and irritable because of the physical pain. Unfortunately, I will also lose patience rapidly when I am in this kind of state, both with myself and other people.

Often I read that you need to concentrate on being positive and then you would feel better (or something like that). Some said meditation helps and there's a breathing technique to calm yourself. My question is how can you stay positive when your body doesn't even feel good? And nothing really helps. Food, tea, water, chocolate, nothing really works for me. So my preference is: sitting on my bed, either reading or binge movie-watching. Anything to distract the mind. And maybe try to nap for a bit. Or write a stupid blog post.

It's good to have a mental calendar of your mood, I found. I can tell that I am making progress in controlling inexplicable sadness and anxiety when I see the number of days I have been feeling good or positive. The more happy days, the better my control of my weird mood is. Although on a day like today, I feel I just want to throw the towel and shut down. It's very easy for mind to repeat this one thought: I am so tired, I just want to stop.

Kinda wish there's a fast forward button.

No comments: