Latest trip: Penang, KL, Melaka November 2012

A few of my Indonesian friends frowned when I told them I was planning to go to Malaysia for a trip. It's just the whole "Indonesia vs Malaysia" thing that has been going on since godknowswhen. Yeah, but then again screw people.

Anyways, the last trip to Malaysia was designed so I could see a few different cities other than KL. I already spent 10 days in KL early this year, and I really didn't want to spend more than a day or two during this trip. So, I arranged a trip to Penang with a friend. I arrived in LCCT around 3pm. Rushing through immigration, I went through without any problem. The immigration officer didn't even bother to ask any questions. Awesome. Took the bus to KL Sentral, the normal RM8-AeroBus. I met with my friend at KL Sentral and we went straight to the bus terminal going to Penang, which was in Pudu. We managed to get tickets (RM35) to Penang at 5.30pm, but it didn't leave until 6pm. We arrived on the island at 11pm and got a cab to the hotel.

Batu Feringgi. credit: me

Masjid Kapitan Keling, Georgetown. credit: me

Penang was very quiet to my surprise. I thought it was going to be a busy little tourist town. But I guess, in the area we stayed in Georgetown, the UNESCO-heritage site, everything was just a bit quiet. Sight-seeing is probably the best thing you can do (or the only thing you can do when you're in Georgetown). There's bike tour and other tours. I chose the walking-by-meself-tour. Relying on the very reliable free tourist map, we went around Georgetown without any problems. We also went to the beach, Batu Feringgi. If you're not interested in doing any water activities, don't forget to bring books or any other form of entertainment. It's nice to just sit around and relax. Going about on the island is pretty easy, as long as you know your buses. The free tourist map that we had also gave information about bus routes and numbers. I suggest you go to an Indian place (locally known as "mamak") called Kapitan, close to the Little India area. It opens 24 hours, the food is amazing, and they have super cool free maps for tourists.

After Penang, we headed back to KL for Urbanscapes. It's a music festival, quite big in KL, and this year they managed to get Sigur Ros to perform. I was going to the Sigur Ros Singapore gig, but decided to cancel it and made my way to Malaysia instead. Sigur Ros was amazing. It's a bit hard to explain. It actually felt like one of those concerts that you have been waiting for so long when it happens, it ends so fast. Something like that. A friend, who saw them in Singapore, told me that she kept on replaying the whole gig in her head days after she went back home. I honestly can't do that. It all seemed very vague and blurry. But, I guess that's how Sigur Ros made me feel in general. So that's okay.  

St. Paul, I pressume? credit: me

I thought I was extremely tired and my legs were going to fall off after Urbanscapes and Penang, and maybe I didn't want to go anywhere. But, despite my unreliable legs, I decided to go to Melaka with another friend. A 2-hour bus ride took us to Melaka Sentral. I'm not really sure what the place was exactly. I think it was some kind of hub that connects people to different directions. Maybe. Anyway, from Melaka Sentral, we took another bus going to the city. And the city was another UNESCO-heritage site/town. What to do in a UNESCO-heritage site? Walk around, eat, take pictures (that's St. Paul's church on the right and a view from a hill in Melaka on the bottom), see people taking pictures of themselves, sit around, and eat cendol durian if you're into durian. Oh, when we arrived there (November 26), there were TONS of tourists and they were incredibly noisy. Exactly the opposite of Georgetown when I was there. Maybe it was the peak week or something.

not in the real colours, I'm afraid. Melaka from a hill. credit: me

I guess the reason why I'm writing this entry is because I wanted to attach different pictures :P if anyone reads (doubtfully) this and needs to ask details about the trip, like prices, hotel to stay, whatever, just leave a comment or two. 
Right, kthxbai.

Bye bye Multipy Forever

So, I let my account got killed and deleted from the face of internet. For good, I hope. I don't want to find any trace of it one day in the future because the people who are responsible for deleting it didn't do a proper job. Not that I hate my things on multiply. I just have decided to let them go. And forgotten.

I wish everything else would be that simple.

Lost in translation? Lost in culture

How can you be an alien in your own hometown? Easy. Stop talking like everybody else. And it's not even the usage of a "foreign"language that will DEFINITELY make you look like a pompous little shit, but just use the "official" unifying language. In my case, it's Bahasa Indonesia.

Of course, being Indonesia, the archipelagic country in Southeast Asia, we are blessed (or cursed) with so many different languages, dialects, cultures and habits. It all depends on where you live. I live in the capital of West Java province, which is mainly influenced by Sundanese culture (NOT Sudanese). Anyways, other than using Bahasa Indonesia, we use Sundanese for daily conversation. It's a beautiful language, with its own craziness. 

I speak a bit of Sundanese, and not even the formal one. So this language has different degrees. The highest and most polite one, the daily relaxed one and the last one which you only use when you're talking to people younger than you. I speak the most crude one because I'm a "Sunda murtad"---as that's how they would label me. I use it with my friends when no politeness is required and conversations/discussions feel funnier when Sundanese is fully applied.

But, as I have been saying lately in my blog or somewhere else, I don't really go out and meet people these days. It means that the time I'm spending socialising and applying languages with other human beings is pretty limited. I am now working on a translation, from English to Bahasa Indonesia, and the Bahasa Indonesia that I'm using is of course the "proper" one; the one that will pass my editor's standard. So, whether I want it or not, the way I speak is heavily influenced by the way I write.

And of course the inevitable happened. When I finally went out of my room-cave last night to the real wild world and met other human beings with their own crazy mind, I sounded like an alien. I realised I sounded weird...probably I  was too self conscious. But anyway, I tried to switch to Sundanese for a bit. And it went okay...for a bit. Because my brain kept on switching back to Indonesian. And I couldn't stop my mouth sprouting words that sounded like they were coming out of a bloody dictionary or a "Belajar Bahasa Indonesia untuk Pemula" book.

And OF COURSE, the guys were starting to tease me. I became even more self conscious, a bit embarrassed too. It felt like I failed in integrating myself to the "local" culture or whatever. But, on the more positive side, because of my weirdness, I got to talk to people about different stuff related to Sundanese culture and history, and getting lots of different information because everyone was trying to impress everybody else by showing off their abilities and knowledge to this little alien, sitting in front of them with a wide silly grin. 

Get yourself a monkey translator

source: the-legion-of-decency.blogspot.com

So, I just turned down a job because the client was an ass. Well, that sounds a bit pompous. Basically, what happened was an acquaintance of mine needed a translation done. So, he asked me a quote for the job. This was very normal and standard. I sent him my quote with a long explanation about how complicated the job was and the possibility of me actually incapable of getting the job done (hence, he needed to find another translator). I felt I was being fair my giving a reasonable explanation and reasonable price. And you know what? He said it was a ripoff. 

I was quite offended by it. I have never received this kind of treatment from any other clients. Normally, if a client thinks that my rate is too expensive, he/she will just politely say that it's too expensive for him/her and that he/she will try to do the translation by themselves or find cheaper translators. Fine by me. I have stopped taking peanuts as a payment since a couple of years ago, when I think my skill and experience should be rewarded professionally. 

The things that irked me were 1) this client is a foreigner, so that made me feel like he was comparing me with other people who like to rip off foreigners; 2) is it so hard to just tell me the price is too expensive and maybe I can make it cheaper somehow?; 3) the fact that he still asked about my translation rate after he said I tried to rip him off.

Often I ask myself, what is too expensive and what is too less? It's not easy to put a price on your skill, unless you're working in an area where there are certain pricing standards. But, as far as I know, most freelancers set their own standards. I sometimes will deliberately lower my rate when a friend asks for my help. Sometimes I even do it for free if I see a good reason for it. Sometimes I would double my rate if I think the job is impossible, and so on and so forth. And I have never once being told I tried to rip someone off. Until today.

I guess it comes down to know yourself and your abilities. Figuring out how to respect yourself so other people will do the same. If I don't stand up for myself, then this person will think he can get away with his attitude. People who give peanuts, should just get monkeys to work for them.

Movie marathon

I have limited social life, which means I spend most of my time working and doing stuff at home. Ranging from annoying my cats to singing loudly when listening to Muse (when I said "sing", I mean making unrecognisable noises), I manage to survive with less human interaction. In these past few weeks, I have been trying to catch up with all the movies that I have missed on theater or TV series that I have never seen just because my trusted friend alerted me about it.

So here's my conclusion:

fanpop.com

If you wager Kristen Stewart will ever improve her acting, I think you're going to lose your money. I thought Snow White and the Huntsman will redeem her dead-face acting in the two Twilight movies (I can't bear watching the final two) or her dead-face acting in Into the Wild  (yes, i repeated dead-face acting), but no. Of course, not. I was kidding myself when I thought, oh well, maybe she would look convincing this time. The only reason I stayed on watching it because I think this movie has a good visual. I like the tone. I can't really explain in film technical terms, but the colour of the movie really captured my attention. And I think Charlize Theron isn't disappointing. Though, I wonder why she had to speak in that slooooooow way. Final verdict, I promised myself I will not watch any movie involving Ms. K-Wart anymore cause she has the ability to kill everything around her. Oh, additional note, I think my friend was right: Chris Hemsworth DOES look like a shampoo model in this film.

Next, The Avengers. I told you I WAS catching up. It means I have the right to be extra late. A reoccurring face, Chris Hemsworth. Along with Jeremy Renner (spoiler alert: I will talk about Bourne Legacy later). I think you know the rest of team Avengers. I'm a bit sad that Edward Norton is not in this installment, continuing his role as Dr. Banner aka the Hulk. Don't mind Mark Ruffalo, though. Anyway, conclusion: Tony Stark will always be a hilarious brilliant asshole and Jeremy Renner looks good in tights. Pull him out of that leather costume, he looks like a photocopier salesman. Or a repairman. Whatever, he's just not that cool. Story wise, I ought to read the comics first to be able to say anything about the story. Just a bit confused with the way they depict the Norse gods.

Okay, Wild Bill comes next. I don't think this movie ever went to our theaters. It's really old, like last year...yeah, I know. How time flies. You can find more about it here. It's an okay movie about family and messed up relationships with the typical English brawl and weird Cockney accent. I like it first cause it's English, second cause it's funny in a morbid way. It's not super brilliant, but I reckon you won't waste your time watching this. The characters development felt real, somehow.

I actually went to the theater to watch Bourne Legacy. How I wish I went for a different movie. Basically, it's another thing that happened while Jason Bourne went apeshit in his third movie. It involves a different agent from a different program by the same organisation. James Renner is the other agent. I was expecting strong plot, raw actions, deadly fighting scenes, and all. What I got is the the silly version of everything that I mentioned. Even the bike chasing scene became hilarious with Renner's gimmick. Remember when he took out the sunglasses on the bike that he stole? Remember the WAY he put on the glasses? And what's up with the Thai agent anyway? Is he so dosed up he becomes strong but lacks brain cells? I prefer if the organisation sends a killer robot from the future instead. I remember Renner explaining in an interview that the story is basically about a character wanting to belong to something. Yeah, you definitely can see it that way. You can also see it as an addict trying to get more drugs before he goes mad. And I couldn't push away the image of Renner as a repairman. Sorry, man.

Last one, Person of Interest. This is a TV series. I ran out of series when I finished watching Fringe and Games of Thrones. I read my friend's blog where she mentioned about it. I managed to get a copy and have so far watched the first five episodes. I think it's good. I like the vigilante theme. And considering it's developed (and written I think) by Jonathan Nolan (yep, brother of Christopher Nolan), I wasn't surprised finding a familiar darkness and edginess. It explains, IMO, the paranoia faced by Americans after 9/11. I think a lot of writers use that as script material. Person of Interest executes it well. At first, I didn't particularly like the main character played by Jim Caviezel. But he sort of grows on me now. Will definitely finish the first season in the next few weeks.

I got several other movies, but I will keep them for later. And now back to work.

Dream a little dream for me

upside down Ciko. credit: me

If you Google  "when someone appears in your dream it means that person misses you", you will have interesting "psychological facts". Well, of course the first statement is highly debatable. I once dreamt Ricky Gervais, John Safran, a few a Greek and Russian old women, all in one occasion. Can't say they miss me, no? I don't even know the Greek and Russian women *smirk*. But it is still interesting to think that the person I dreamt actually misses me.  



Last night I dreamt about one of my exes. He's from a distant past, the first person who taught me a lot about life. He's married now, and I, because the universe loves a twisted fucked up plot, became quite good friends with his wife. I thought I would avoid them at all cost, but it didn't happen according to my plan. Back to the dream: in it, I was really close with him, sharing the typical conversation that we had when we were still together. The silly old jokes, the sarcasm towards each other, hugs and laughter. It felt so real, I woke up with a fright.

Fear aside, I knew I missed this person. And I think that's a reason for him to pop into my subconscious. I doubt that he thinks about me, let alone misses me. I know that in the end, it won't matter because I realise he was a part of my life that I have long abandoned because it was too poisonous. 

Sometimes, what's in the past doesn't stay there. When your past catches up with you, what do you do? Do you hide and wait? Do you bravely step forward and act like you don't care? I used to run and hide, but for the past two years or so, I have learnt to slowly build up my courage to face all past nightmares. Remember the cliche saying: the ultimate win is to live well.

I also have learnt that the hardest is the present. The present requires you to act, so you can move on from what is called the past and what will become of you in the future.

Maybe dreams are reminder too, letting me know that I have unresolved issues; hints for my hidden problems.Or maybe they are just silly collage that my subconscious haphazardly arranges and presents when I sleep. 

Oh, I have another fringe idea. If, let's just say, human minds are interconnected with some weird wireless system, is it possible that when we dream, we actually are connecting with the people in our dream? It will be nice, I guess. We just need to sleep to see people that we miss. Double win: sleeping and catching up with those who are dear to us.

The death of Multiply

How many of you have known that Multiply is closing down their blog service? I found out maybe a week (or more) ago. And then I read the "official" news on the web. I went to check my account, even though I knew I wouldn't mind if Multiply just deleted everything that I had there. Most of the writings is trash---unimportant emotional breakdowns. I have a few here too, but I have tried (maybe not so hard) to limit the cliche cheesy-smeeshy-rants. 

So, when I went to see, my Multiply account/blog was still there. There's an announcement from the Multiply dude (I'm sure he has a title AND a name, but I forgot) apologising and explaining what's going to happen with Multiply. The blog service will be closed down permanently on the first of December. Maybe a few weeks from today, they will announce how users can save and download their blogs if they want to. If not, Multiply will delete all contents. 

If I can be a bit sentimental about this, I'd say I'm a bit sad that the blog service will be terminated. My blog on blogger has been running for a longer period of time (I was just too lazy to add new posts) than my Multiply blog, but somehow I remembered I was more productive with Multiply. I did movie reviews and shit. Here, I just bitch. I guess one of the reasons why I was quite excited writing new posts for Multiply was because I could see how many people with Multiply account had read my piece. Call me a narcissist or whatever, but it's nice to know that a few people read what I had to say. Even though, there's only one person who would actually give a comment/feedback.

When I stopped writing for my Multiply blog (because of different reasons), Blogger has revised the dashboard menu. Now I can see how many people have accessed my posts. Blogger also includes statistic and other stuff, like ads, that I'm not really interested in. So moral of the story is: knowing that there are people who access my blog (incidentally or not) is quite thrilling. 

I'm sure you (people who blog) have, at least once, said to yourself: I'm only writing stuff for myself; I'm not trying to get famous or whatever; this is just a personal blog, so I don't care whether people read it or not; etc. etc. Yes, of course we write for ourselves, but does it mean we don't want other people to read it? If this is really the case, why do you have a published blog at the first place? Why don't you make it private? I like knowing that there are those who enjoy reading my blog. If I can make the readers feel something, even though it's contempt, I'd be quite happy.

I guess now I need to wait until Multiply announces how I can download my blog. It's trash, but it's my trash. 

I do love you, Indonesia, but...

sunset somewhere in Bali. credit: aritarman

Maybe around a week ago, I met up with some friends. They're from my uni period, and working as lecturers at my old uni. Different major, but the same department. Anyways, I'd been trying to see them for a month, and finally we managed to find the time. The last time I saw them was probably four or five years ago. So, we got A LOT of catching up to do. It's quite typical, you summed up your life in the past four/five years: work(s), relationship(s), significant events, etc. I told them what had happened with my professional life and of course mentioned the stupid mistake of working for the government. 

Their reactions were somewhat surprising. I didn't expect them out of all people would actually question my decision. I thought since they dubbed themselves smarter and more progressive than other lecturers in their department, they would at least understand my reasons for quitting without so many whys. One friend even got further by saying he wanted to switch places with me, if I refused to take money from my boss because I didn't work for it. He would just take it, he said. I was like, okay this is weird. And then I spent the next 30 minutes answering all the whys and trying to make them understand that my decision was not because I was a snobby bitch. The way they stared at me made me feel like I was the biggest and bitchiest snob in the universe, though. Finally, the other friend said that I did make the right decision because of the difficult circumstances involving corruption and such. I was like, what's difficult about that? People decided to take money without questioning its source, I did question. Nothing difficult. Unless, keeping your values and morals is considered difficult, then I was a goddamned hero. But, no I don't feel like one, nor I wanted to be recognised as one (or as anything other than myself, in that matter). 

Which led me to this: what the fuck is happening with people in this country? How come I needed to explain why corruption is bad and why we need to take a stand and create a change, at least with ourselves if we can't do anything further than that? It freaks me out to see so many people question my reasons quitting the government job. I can't remember whether I wrote about this or not in a different post, but I was once confronted by a member of my extended family. He was trying to make me feel guilty for the decision. He said something about how he had dreamt becoming a civil servant all his life etc. etc. etc. Did he question my reasons? Nope. I doubt he would care or understand anyway. Oh, let's not forget all people working in that goddamned office, who even bothered going to my department just because they wanted to gossip about the girl  who resigned.

I should have mentioned about my real objections about the office to my superiors then, but I didn't. Instead, I chose to use personal reasons. I did mention how I didn't feel like growing professionally in that office. But I didn't say I hate you lot because you just wasted taxpayers' money by doing shit in this office. Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't. Honestly, I doubt harsh criticism or any criticism would do anything good, considering their (the people at that office) attitude towards their job and obligations.

 
Maybe it's because I'm rather odd. I've always suspected that. Do you ever feel that? Not odd in a good way, like X-Men-before-they-knew-they're-cool-mutants-odd. But it's when you felt like you didn't belong, even in your closest circle, and then your suspicion was confirmed and you ended up getting hurt anyway (despite suspecting your oddity for a while). Oh, right. That happened to me. I thought I was going to be okay, but apparently not. Right, enough emotional breakdown.

I guess I just feel a bit helpless. Too much shit is going on in this country. And I doubt I will change much just by writing a stupid blog post.

  

Friends and a booty call

I have read different posts about working at home. And the one thing that is repeatedly mentioned is how your social life becomes fairly limited. I guess it's generalising, really. I'm sure there are a lot of people who work from home but maintain a healthy social life. Then again, who set the standard for a "healthy social life"? What I feel so far after working almost six months from home, I don't really have a social life. I think I made the right decision to move back home after (almost) four years living in the capital. Here, I reconnected with my old social circle.

Alas, time changes everything, as we know it. Friends moved away, got married, got married and divorced, got a mad girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband, got carried away with work...which basically make them impossible to meet. I knew something like this would happen when I moved back. It wasn't a big surprise. But that doesn't mean I can't be sad, right? Anyway, there are still a few close friends whom I can relate to and see from time to time. Eventually, what lasts is what has been existing in life since a long time ago. 

A friend said I need to make new friends. This is when the "working from home" becomes an issue. Because I mostly stay at home and work, I don't really go out. When I do go out, it's when I see my friends from the same circle. So, it's like I'm not really making any effort to create a new social circle. I think I'm succeeding with people in different countries, but not in my own home town, strangely enough. Sometimes, I question whether I'm a bit of an antisocial. But then again, several friends said I'm the ice breaker between friends. Not that antisocial apparently. Oh well. It doesn't really matter.

Anyway, I got a booty blackberry message from a friend last night. Actually this is the reason why I started writing this post. I remember I was thinking of going out because I was a bit bored and a bit annoyed no one asked me to go out and hang out. Then this friend bbm-ed me and he was drinking and saying wasn't drunk...couldn't get drunk (yea, right). Not long after that he started getting a bit sexual and I knew where he was going with the conversation. He insisted in going to my house (which was a crazy idea since I live with my parents) and I told him no and that he should keep on drinking and mind his own business. Eventually I turned off my phone because he didn't stop harassing me.

That was my first experience. And I can simply shrug it off because he's drunk and generally a nice person. But it made last night even more annoying. A lesson learned: I can be sad, but I'm not sad enough to submit myself to a booty call (or bbm or sms or whatever). Yay dignity.  

Dear honourable members of the House of Representatives...

I salute you for yet another stunning performance. And when I said stunning, I meant the honourable members were stunned. They just stood, one was constantly smiling, and (I'm sure) tried really hard not to explode. One might ask, what happened?

This time, a slap right on their faces. Yes, finally some people had the nerves to show these useless scums that they are no more than useless scums who happily take taxpayers' money to make useless overseas visits with their families under the pretext of doing a comparative study. The Indonesian student association (PPI) in Germany used a Q&A session during a meeting with the members of Commission I of the House as a chance to directly criticise these politicians and stated their objection over their visit. In the end of their harsh speech, they walked out of the room quietly and the meeting was continued as if nothing happened. Poor KBRI's host. She had to pretend she didn't hear all those insults coming from one of the students. Everything was video-tapped and uploaded to YouTube for everyone in the country (and world) to see. It quickly became the main topic on different social media, and of course the media picked up soon afterwards (note: I may well be wrong with the sequence, but nevertheless the end result is the same). 

Now, let's just say, this similar situation happened when internet and social media were not so popular in Indonesia, would it get the same strong reaction? Since the student association smartly uploaded the video of the meeting on YouTube, lots of people picked this story up really fast and then spread it on an equal speed. And amen for internet. How strong is the impact of social media on Indonesia's democracy (I would advise anyone who reads this post to tread the word "democracy" carefully before abusing me with criticism)? How effective social media as a medium to create a better change in Indonesia's social and/or political life?

I honestly hope the current hype will change something. At least, I hope, the House would try hard to fulfil the student association's demands. One of them is transparency. The students asked for the House to publish a complete financial report of the visit and also a full report of the visit's results. I think it's fair, considering it, allegedly, is a comparative study-visit. They should study something and report the finding(s) and do something with their findings. You know, like any normal people do when they do a comparative study. But, my hope is not high on this matter. You see, I used to work for these people. I know how they roll, and I believe they won't do anything about the students' action. They were mortified, I'm sure. But, will that change anything? I doubt it.

I'm not trying to belittle the PPI's action at all. I appreciate their courage. There aren't many people who would do such thing, especially when it comes to the honourable members of the House. On their turf, these dudes are GODS. They are invisible. So, watching the video, looking at the expression on the House members' faces, feels great. Though, this is not the first time the House got heavily criticised by students from PPI. The PPI in Australia criticised the reason of the visit done by Commission VII in April 2011. Basically, the House members went there to do a comparative study on policies on poor people (or unlucky Australians, as the equivalent) management. However, the House members visited the country during recess period. Yes, it's beyond understanding. If you are interested, you can read the PPI's open letter to the House here and also their evaluation on the visit here.  

We need to continue telling these people that they cannot do whatever they please just because they occupy an office in the government. If they are representing people, they need to start doing it now. As long as there are people like members of PPI in Germany and Australia, we can still be hopeful that maybe, just maybe, one day this country truly understands the meaning of democracy and people's representatives. 

Moving back to my parents' house...yay.

I have stopped working full-time after three years working in an office (or two). I have gone back to my parents' new house and settled in. My parents recently decided to move to a new house leaving the old house to be leased to other people. I finally unpacked my stuff after three weeks staying in the house. It was a long and slow process. Somehow, I couldn't see the room that I slept in as my own room. But, the fact started to sink in and I knew it would be ridiculous to keep my stuff in different boxes scattered all over the house.
After the first three weeks, I started to question myself a lot. Did I make the right decision with coming back home? Would it be better if I stayed in Jakarta and took that job offer (I was not interested in the job at all)? I wasn't feeling comfortable with myself and was anxious about the future. Few of my friends said that the reaction was normal, but I must focus on the positive sides instead the depressing ones. Well, yeah of course.
And then I realised what kind of role that I took when I decided to move back. Apparently, my parents need a third-party to create some kind of balance in the household. Their children, I am the youngest, have been living away from them for quite a long period and the absence of children in the household seemed to increase the friction and tension between them. I've heard from my mum how my dad sometimes acted incredibly selfish, and often I would take my mum's side on this kind of situation. But after living with them for several weeks, I realised that the problems lay within the two of them. Soon, I found out that I was the new conflict manager in the house.
It's a bitter-sweet feeling to play and act according to this role. I love my parents to death, but dear god, they can drive me insane sometimes. I keep on reminding myself that people most of the time act childish anyway and it's (kinda) normal...whatever normal means. It's also a bit worrying to see the way my parents are depending too much on each other. It seems like they cannot function well if separated. At least, that's my evaluation on my dad. He's way too depended on my mum. God forbid if she passes before him...not that I want him to pass anytime soon.
On the bright side, it still surprises me to see how both parents seem to manage tolerate each other enough to stop them from starting a shouting fight. I know when they are upset with each other and my mum would tell me directly what happened, while my dad just sulked in front of the telly. But she would make him his afternoon coffee, and he would drink it without saying anything much. I just don't understand. Maybe it's love, maybe it's old habit.
So, it's not all bad. Moving back to ze parents' house can be seen as a defeat. I got a friend who seemed surprised (not in a good way) when she found out I was back home. She said something like Jakarta would give a lot of opportunities and offer different prospects to me, and she was shocked that I didn't get them. I told her that opportunity had never been the case. I was tired, fed up, terribly lonely and lost my perspective. Going home felt like a warm idea in my empty head (and heart). I have lots of really lovely friends who supported my moving back, both in Jakarta and my home town. They really made things seem so much better.
Back to home situation, I'm feeling a bit tired now, which leads me to writing this entry. Anyone who has dealt with conflict knows that it's never easy, especially when it involves two of the most important people in your life. It hasn't yet reached the crazy melt-down point, but I know I'm quite upset with the general situation at home. Although, I'm constantly reminding myself that it IS still probation time. Wait another two months, maybe I will pass the insanity and come out as a new (better) more-patient and reliable (ha!) person. I wish myself luck. Godspeed!

Anxious nation

dprku.com

It all started with this guy's writing. I found it on my friend's Facebook account. I thought the title was interesting since I just experienced the same thing quite recently before I found this story. It's probably one of the harshest stories about Jakarta (and/or Indonesia) that I've read recently. The writer, Andre Vltchek, wrote Jakarta as "the perfect pacifist city". That alone has triggered some questions. He then went on telling his experience riding the city train. The reliable PT KAI and its flocks of metal cages running on tracks have fascinated the writer to a certain degree of skepticism.

I have several times had the chance to experience the city train in Jakarta, or what we named as "kereta komuter" because people use the train to commute from Jakarta-Bogor and all of the other places that exist between Jakarta and Bogor. I used the train to go Depok when there wasn't kereta komuter available yet and another time with kereta komuter to an area called Lenteng Agung. The first trip was on an economy train with no AC and it was moderately full. Lots of people were trying to sell you some shit that you didn't need... the usual. Since I was traveling alone and a bit worried with local copet (pickpockets), I stood close to the door. It was open, of course. How could anyone breathe if it was closed? We'd be dead in 10 minutes. Anyway, standing close to the open door gave me a full access of outside view. It wasn't great. It's almost accepted as a normality to see slum areas close to any railways in Jakarta. And not only in Jakarta. Of course, when the president or other sleazy top government officials go for a train ride for some unknown reasons, the illegal settlements along the railway will magically disappear. And magically reappear maybe two weeks after.

The second trip to Lenteng Agung wasn't that much different. I took the commuter train, hoping I would have a bit humane trip to a punk community's house. It was air-conditioned, but since I left on rush hours, I was squashed by too many people in the train. It's clear that we need better public transportation. Referring to Vltchek's article, there have been too many abandoned plans for better infrastructure especially for improving public transportation in Jakarta. Can one still hope after seeing too many failures?

Vltchek, in his long article, said, "It feels that the entire nation, including its capital, gave up long time ago. People are living their lives in this monstrous megacity, not even bothering to demand, to protest or to complain." I reckon that's one of the hardest challenge faced by this nation. Just like the slum areas on the railways, does the government actually make a real action to improve the people's life? No, city officials will just destroy their shacks and temporary houses when it's time for an official visit. I don't know how the poor may think or feel about the way the government treats the poverty issue. Are they mad? Are they disappointed? Or maybe they just don't give a damn anymore and just find a way to survive today and tomorrow? Vltchek thought that Indonesian people, Jakarta people in particular, have given up all hope for any improvement. Is this true? If yes, I wish the predicted mega-flood in Jakarta would come sooner (and as I'm writing this, it's raining like crazy outside).

Maybe about a week ago, I went to a film festival. The opening movie titled Negeri Di Bawah Kabut tells how climate change changes the life of farmers in one village in Central Java. Related to what I have written so far, this movie shows me how poor Indonesian farmers are. Of course, I've known this fact for some time, but this movie kinda updated me on how still poor so many people in Indonesia are until this very day. They can't send their kids to school because they can't pay the "uniform" money, a compulsory for Indonesian students. Another form of government's idiocy and insensitivity addressing the country's problem.

Watching the movie was like a slap on the face. At least for me. I realised how maybe I don't value things like I should do. One million and three hundreds rupiah means another chance to plant the next batch of vegetables. One million and three hundred rupiah in Jakarta means you can't live in a rented room for a month and eat properly. Of course Jakarta and one remote village somewhere in Central Java IS different. It's the same money, yet it has different value.

Can Indonesia improve wholly? Will the government take care the poor and helpless just like what it's written in the constitutions? I honestly don't know. One friend even said too many people are fed up: It's better to think what one should do tomorrow at work than thinking about the country's problems. So, how will Indonesia and its people end up in the future if we all are fed up?

Work crazy work

Humans cannot be satisfied. That's an old saying in this country. It's that nagging feeling saying that you are STILL not getting what you want.

I have this nagging feeling. I also see this in other people. I had been expecting a new job, a better payment and security. I got the job, better payment, still no security. But the bright side is I don't have to go to the office. I thought it was an advantage. Yes, it's so good that I don't have to come to the office and I can literally work from anywhere in the world. Like, in my friend's bedroom in KL for instance. But then, living a day to day of office-less situation, I found myself feeling quite mad. There's no one to talk to (directly, not computer chatting) or to observe or even to despise. I know I sound like I'm being ungrateful and lazy, because I still can have a "normal" social life even without an office life. True, but it's different.

Office interaction, strangely enough, gives me a feeling of attachment. Like I belong to something. I don't identify myself solely from where I work, but it's one of the things that identify me. Having none of that kinda confuses me. It's the transition of not having to "go" to work every morning. Because now, work is getting out of the bed and turning on my computer and internet. Even the office space offers me comfort. The spacious room, large windows... I have once mentioned about these things. It helps me feeling less confined when I have to go home to my little bleak room. The people can be super annoying, but I learn things from these annoying people. The simplest will be: how to be not annoying like these people.

A friend of mine was sharing the same thoughts. It's the new job in his case. He felt like he had traded his simple easy working life with a chaotic busy yet interesting new work which pays better to. He sighed and told me that he had been questioning the reason why he took the new job. And I laughed and told him that's exactly what I had in mind about my choice.

I'm sure lots of people want to be in my shoes right now, job wise. Not actual shoes, they are quite small. I would love to be in my shoes as well, say, if I were a different person. But I guess I cannot be really satisfied with what I have at the moment. Not that I'm being ungrateful. Yes, I'm glad I took this job. But, if only it can be a tiny bit better...

My questions are (to myself): to what extend? Isn't there any boundaries? Should I make those boundaries? Should I stop expecting more at some point in the future and just feel contend? How can I achieve that, if it's achievable? Or, sod it, I'm human it's normal to always want more in life?

Then again, if I looked back, I was okay when I was staying with my friend. It felt a bit weird having to work and holiday at the same time, but it worked. Maybe that's what I need. A companion? Oh damn, I am getting old.